- October 9th, 2011
Where the fuck do I start?!? So many fucking things have happened, and I've been sorely fucking remiss on reporting...Having said that, I've found a new fucking zest for life. I have a lot of reasons for not so much liking life, but fuck that shit! It's awesome. Experiences that I've in the past few weeks have proven to me that there's beauty in every fucking situation. It amazes me how even the shitty stuff, or hurtful stuff doesn't even seem so bad when you look at it from another angle....
Seeing TMBG, was like another religious experience...Just every fucking thing I wanted out of the night. Made a little bit of a reconnect with someone I figured was in the fuck Will forever group. That's a large group from my understanding. Whatever. I can't be the hero or center of anything anymore. Too much shit to do. Wish there was more time for Liz and Julie to talk about how fucked up I am and swap war stories. Just to be a fly on the wall for a talk like that....I'm a glutton for punishment I guess.
Hanging out with April, getting drunk, rocking out to AFI and throwing each other around. Fucking amazing. What ever fucking moron said something about a semi-charmed life can lick Satan's beautiful, red taint. It's these wonderful moments of connecting of something that you love that make people awesome. Well, some people. Most of them can go fuck off and die, but I've so far collected a fairly motley (and wonderful) crue of people that help me understand my own crazy and the rest of the world on a daily basis. Whether or not I always say it, or they even fucking know it, there very presence in my life gets me through the day without playing in traffic with a blindfold on...Thank you to Julie, April, Brian , Doc, Liz, and those that haven't given up on this poor drunk, fucking pervert. I will do anything for you guys. Till I die.
Sooooo, Allen's wedding.....Yeah, that one will go down in my heart forever. Just a damned wonderful, special fucking night. I talked to Patrick (right?!?!) for like an hour about comics, and video games. Jimmy Leo was there, and so was Bill. We, of course, discussed the Creative Whack Pack. Those dudes will never let me live down "no seat belt, poop car" like, fucking ever. I mean, I guess it's too close for me to have a positive opinion of the retardation that it brings to the table....I'm glad that others enjoy it, but it's just so damned embarrassing for me. But hey, whatever. Daniel Mohler was there, and Phil too. (BTW, Julie, since Daniel is married, you can totally meet him now...I kid) We had many a drunken moments, and played some guitar....We listened to Slayer, Lady Sovereign, Django Rheinhardt, Elvis Costello, Styx, Bad Religion, and much more. Jessie Cheek was there, and Biagi, and Allen's sister. Dammit all to hell, it was the first time we had all been in the same fucking place in at least 10 years. And we were all plastered, and everyone, and I totally mean everyone, fell down. It was such an epic night, that I woke up on the floor, with Meghan wearing a tiara, next to Allen, who I was on the other side of, and his dog, Elwood, had his ass in my face. Then, Meghan's sisters husband walked in with like 2 dozen Dunkin Donuts....Fucking one for the history books.
I'm trying to be in good spirits about things. And I really don't have any trouble in that department. But this job shit has to change. I got to get something that doesn't make me feel so much like I'm fucking 20. Just constantly being broke is the worst. I'm too damned old for this shit. Too damned sharp, and capable. But that doesn't matter in the real world, obviously. As it seems that any fucking bag of shit can propel himself to a good place in the world. I guess I lack the matter of truly, sincerely applying myself. I'm almost lethally fucking lazy. Gotta get on that shit.
And just for pure scale, I found out that this house, which we've been in for, like 22 years, will be gone soon. As in, probably next year or so. That burns in my heart in a way that I fucking can't state. But, again, life changes, just hope I'm adept enough to catch it when it fly by me. I think I am. Regardless, I'm good as I can be. I'm loving life right now, and I have tons of reasons not to. Just amazed how many wonderful things you can cram into a day, or a week. Even with arguments, shitty conversations, and reflecting on things that aren't necessarily flattering to me or the people involved, I'm still pretty fucking grateful that I'm where I am. Maybe this is just my own special brand of crazy, but I'd like to think it comes from a more clear place. Things could always be WAAAAAY worse. I'm truly doing ok. And for that, praise be to our dark lord Satan. For he watches over us, from down below.
P.S. Thank you Mr. Show for being so wonderful